Mourning is the process by which accept that we are never going to get what we wanted from a person or situation. Whether through death or some other passing, the opportunity for what we had hoped for is gone. This is the reason that mourning can be so difficult for someone or some situation with which we have had a difficult relationship. The tendency is to keep hoping that things will turn out differently. Mourning is the process by which we accept that they will not.
Anything that you are holding onto for which the hoped-for resolution is obviously not going to happen can be mourned. Relationships, as well as people, must sometimes be mourned, even if the person is still alive.
The times of the Waxing and Full Moon are most commonly used for attacting, rather than banishing, energies. Although this ritual may seem more like a banishing ritual, mourning is more about acceptance than rejection. Once we have felt our loss, we are able to accept it and are able to move into new phases in our lives.
This ritual was created for the November, 2000, Full Mourning Moon Esbat, and is especially oriented toward my need to release my connection to a person who is still alive, with whom I have a difficult relationship. You may want to change it slightly if you are mourning someone you love who has died.
Purpose: To mourn the relationship I would have wished to have, in order to release it, reclaim the energy, and make room for new growth and new relationships. Tools
A black candle. An apache tear, the stone of mourning. A cord, about two feet long, in a color that represents what you are mourning. Scissors or your bolline. The Working[i] Oh Mother Moon, represented now in the Wheel of the Year by the Full Mourning Moon, you represent endings and beginnings.
At this time, I wish to mourn "what might have been" in my relationship with ___.
The weight of that relationship is too much for me to bear any longer. Although ___ is still alive, my connection to ___ must be broken in order for me to continue on my path of growth. I am wasting too much energy trying to keep alive my hope that anything is ever going to be any different. It is not.
Mother Moon, I ask you to help me release the hope that I have carried for so long, and to accept what I have known for a long time - that there is no hope that I will ever get from ___ what I want.
Whisper, sing, chant, move, dance, beat drums, shake rattles. Cry. Say what needs to be said to that person. Hold apache tear in my hands and pour my feelings into it.
When "empty," pick up cord. Hold one end to solar plexus chakra and the other end straight out so the cord is taut.
May my connection to ___ be broken. Cut the cord about halfway along its length with the scissors or bolline.
Sending the Energy[ii] She changes everything she touches; everything she touches changes. As I light this candle, my will be done. This, or something better, for the Highest Good of all concerned.
Light the black candle and leave it burning throughout the rest of the ritual.
Imagine the remainder of the energy flowing to God, Goddess, and Spirit; stand in Goddess position and "let go."
After the Ritual Leave the apache tear in running water (a fountain or just a sink with the tap running) until its energy feels "clean."
Bury the "near" end of the cord on your property.
Accept this offering, Goddess and God. May it strengthen my bonds with you[iii] and demonstrate my willingness for new relationships to enter my life.
Blessed be. As soon as possible, take the "far" end of the cord and bury it off your property.